I Cried

Today I cried.
I thought of the parents who have presents under their Christmas tree. That will now be standing at a grave.
I can only tell you what I went through.
The night I lost my daughter. The day the world stopped.
I stood in the hospital and saw her thighs, purple, there was a part of me that knew..but my brain was way behind.. when the Dr. said she was gone... I watched my parents fall into each other crying. I sat in a chair and shook my head, as if I could shake it off. I remember my youngest son asking me what was going on... and I said " Alyssa died" but even then it wasn't real. It was a show I was watching on TV, it was a nightmare I was waiting to wake up from....IT WAS NOT REAL!!!

When they put us in the "family" room and came in to ask questions.. Her age, medical info,... really who knows... it hit me. I burst into great racking sobs.. my brain had caught up... "My baby.. My baby"

I remember riding home with my husband and youngest son.. but the very 1st year is such a blur..it's as if we all were grieving and living apart. I remember telling my oldest son that we needed to get through this together.

Honestly, we all grieved apart. That whole 1st year was mostly a loss of memory for me. Times of crying and times of solitude. Sometimes numbness... By the beginning of the 2nd year the full impact hit.

The world is wrong...

Today I cried..  not only for the babies.... but for the parents left behind.

My love to you. I wish I could offer more.

Happy Thanksgiving

America (Or The Good, Bad & Ugly)

marineparentsinc.com

I hate to get into politics. The fact is we all have our own beliefs and concerns but I find it upsetting how people are so sure they are absolutely right.  I have seen on my own facebook page.. disturbing posts.
Then I came across this... accident or protest..I don't know..click

I don't care who wins,or who loses ... me or you.. Congratulations.. good sport or sore loser......this is America .. we voted ..democracy.. freedom...  Now let's get on with it.

Wednesday Wildlife: Grouse

So I hear a loud thud coming from the back of my house. It's deer opener this weekend so I was wondering if someone shot our house. I go outside and there is this grouse laying outside our bedroom window. Poor thing broke it's neck ( I assume).

Slowing Down

This time of the year is always a crap shoot for us. We lost our daughter 5 years ago on her 15th birthday. Many people feel 5 years is a long time but for us it almost always feels like yesterday. So everything slows down or maybe it's just us that slow down.
This my way of saying sorry for disappearing at times. Sometimes I need to take a break to think or find something mindless so I don't have to think.
Alyssa's Memorial site

It's About The Money

I don't have a problem spending money frivolously. In fact I am good at buying things I don't need but really want. I, however, will complain bitterly about the cost of red peppers, coffee, soda, laundry soap and many other everyday things. I think I inherited that from my mom who refused to pay more than $1.00 for a head of  lettuce.

The only difference between a green pepper and a red pepper is how long you let it grow. If you leave a green pepper in the garden long enough you will  have beautiful red bell peppers!  I can get a green pepper for fifty cents and red peppers are over $4.00 a pound. For all I know they come out the same price because I have never weighed them. It's seeing that number four with the big dollar sign in front of it.

I started making my own laundry soap because spending $10.00 on soap seemed outrageous. I found this recipe on this site which I still use. Make your own laundry soap.

Then I thought if I could make your own laundry soap could I come up with my own dishwasher soap. Oh yes. There are a whole lot of do it yourself recipes online. I can't remember where I found this one but it works:
1 Cup Borax
1 Cup Arm & Hammer Washing Soda
1/2 Cup Salt (it's suppose to be coarse salt... I use regular old salt)
I add vinegar in the rinse do-hickey. ( you know what I mean?)

Then I found Pinterest! Oh, the ideas.
Fabric Softener- I don't add essential oils
Household cleaner(like 409)
and last so far:
I replaced my swiffer mop and having to buy those wet pads. I bought a O-cedar mop and make my own floor cleaner. I skip the essential oils, The vinegar smell doesn't last long and doesn't bother me.

One day I need to start a garden and grow my own damn red peppers.

Labs

Friday

Wednesday Wildlife:Hummingbird

We must have at least 10 birds fighting over the feeder this year. They are getting ready for the migration back south ( I wish I was going with them. I hate winter!) I have had to fill the feeder everyday usually the feeder will last a week. When it's empty they sit out there and stare in the window. I've been waiting for the day that they start knocking to let me know it's empty!

Excuse the dirty window... I didn't realize it was until I saw the video.

More Landscaping....

I came up with a new outdoor project for "us" (Brian & I) to do.

This is our driveway. I want to put lattice across the front to block more of the road. 

Doing something like this all the way across the front (except for the driveway)

Then plant vines like English Ivy & Clematis.

I just have to convince Brian it's his idea!

Wednesday Wildlife:Baby Robins And Hawks

On July 29th I heard a commotion outside. There sat Cooper and Roxy sniffing at the ground and robins swooping around them squawking.  There was a baby robin on the ground. I look up and see a hawk. I suppose he heard all the noise, which must be a dinner signal.
I brought the dogs in hoping the robins would be able to get there baby back in the nest. I couldn't put it back because the nest was in a odd and very high place in a tree.
I went out an hour later and found this.

I think it's a hawk feather. The baby robin was still there and alive. So the robins must have ganged up on the hawk to chase it away. I decided to put the baby in a bowl and put by our shed so it would have a little shelter and the adult robins could still feed it.
It jumped out of the bowl...
When I checked the next morning I didn't see it anywhere, I hope the baby made it.

Every Morning

Wednesday Widlife: Porcupine

Cooper

Back on the 18th of July we had a commotion with Cooper. I let the trio out about 10:45. Sami always comes back first. She's afraid she might miss food (you never know when someone might decided to snack & then drop something.) True to form, Sami came in first.

Sami

Then Cooper will come in, followed by Roxy. As the youngest Roxy has the most energy to burn.

Roxy

However on the 18th Roxy came in before Cooper and I, thinking how strange that was, went to our sliding glass door to find Cooper. Who sat on the deck with his butt the only thing in view. I opened the door and called to Cooper and saw quills all over his front paw.

Thank God Brian was home. I held Cooper and pet him while my paramedic husband practiced his job on our dog!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porcupine

I hope Cooper remembers this animal and runs the other way every time he sees one!

Happy Anniversary

Happy 20th! 

I Love You

All In-Lifehouse

How I Sleep At Night

Multiply by 3

Happy Friday

Have A Great Weekend!

The Help By Kathryn Stockett

I've been missing in action because I picked up a good book. I love to read but I am ashamed to say I don't as often as use to. Every now and then I come across one that I enjoy so much that it is hard to put down.  This is the one.

The Help

How I Know It's True Love

 Last year my love bought me a heater over the winter, I'd like to say it was to keep me warm, but it was to save on electricity (everything in our house runs on electricity, including the furnace) We still fight over the thermostat over the summer with air conditioning  I set at 79 and he wants it at 74...... time to turn on the heater!

You have to read the e-mails from the bottom up.!!!!


___________________________________________________________________________________

From: Lisa 
To: Brian Pollock 

Yeah! That's what you want! Call me on the home phone, pleeease.
Thank you,

Lisa
In loving memory of
my daughter Alyssa Marie
10/30/92 - 10/30/07
http://itmustberaining.weebly.com

---

From: Brian
To: Lisa
Sent: Mon, January 31, 2011 5:33:32 PM
Subject: Re: Warm!!!!!!!!!!
It has shipped in transit. KEEP YOUR PANT ON!

Brian   NREMT-P
IN MEMORY OF MY DAUGHTER
ALYSSA MARIE
10/30/92--10/30/07


--- On Mon, 1/31/11, Lisa <
From: Lisa Subject: Re: Warm!!!!!!!!!!
To: "Brian Date: Monday, January 31, 2011, 5:01 PM

P.S when will it be here, I'm cold!

Lisa
In loving memory of
my daughter Alyssa Marie
10/30/92 - 10/30/07
http://itmustberaining.weebly.com/

---

From: Lisa 
To: Brian Pollock 

Sent: Mon, January 31, 2011 12:35:04 PM
Subject: Re: Warm!!!!!!!!!!
Great now I can get the humidity high and order that orange tree and we can pretend we are in the south!

Lisa
In loving memory of
my daughter Alyssa Marie
10/30/92 - 10/30/07
http://itmustberaining.weebly.com/

---

From: Brian 
To: Lisa Pollock  
Sent: Mon, January 31, 2011 9:42:57 AM
Subject: Warm!!!!!!!!!!

I ordered you a heater  they were on sale with free shipping and no Tax. It even has a remote Brian   NREMT-P IN MEMORY OF MY DAUGHTER ALYSSA MARIE 10/30/92--10/30/07

Storms

So on Monday we had a storm go through and a tree went down. Lucky for us it missed the house.

I suggested maybe we should take down the two trees next to it because they are so close to the house.

Brian's responds is... What this we stuff?

Apparently since I don't use the chain saw the correct way to say that is "you"

The next was him accusing me of just wanting logs for my landscaping plan (see previous post)

It didn't occur to me until he mentioned it.

 Thank you honey!

Happy 4th Of July

 

 

Where To Find A Tree

Brian & I are planning on landscaping the front of our home. He has asked me my ideas on what to do. I asked him the other day why he asked me if he was going to ignore all my ideas. No answer.

I found this on pintrest and showed him.

His responds where would we get the log?

This is my backyard... My responds to Brian.. We live in the forest!

Feeling Blue

This made me laugh.

It's Friday

It's Friday, sit back and relax

In & Out, In & Out, In & Out, Etc.

How I spend my days! Let the dogs out & in.... I could go on and on!

 

Happy Father's Day

Wednesday Wildlife: Fishing, Geese & The Back Of Hubby's Head

Get Comfortable

My mom saw this and thought of me!

How I Avoid Jail

Thank God for the CPAP machine

Or: How I Avoid Jail

The Ultimate Business Plan

How could it back fire.... Oh that pesky jail thing!
The cleaning lady

TGIF

I had to send this photo to my niece, Rachel

My sister, Sherry, Rachel, the giraffe, and my brother in law, James

Wednesday Wildlife: Chickadee

Another Bird flew into the window! I should move the bird feeder but I enjoy watching them. This little guy didn't want to leave me even after he was done being knocked silly!

HOW IS NORMA?

A sweet grandmother

telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,

"Is it possible to speak to someone

Who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said,

"I'll be glad to help, dear.

What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,

"Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said,"Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried.

God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied,"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday Wildlife: Deer

I took these last week in our front yard!

For whatever reason this didn't post yesterday!

How I Am Feeling This Morning

Smile....

I found this on Pinterest.

Mondays

The photos I've been posting I have come across on Pinterest.

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

 

 

 

 

 

..Then You Are Probably

The Family Dog!

 

Happy Easter

Happy Easter

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Stuck In The Middle

Sometimes it pays to be in the Middle.

Especially on a cold day.