Slowing Down

This time of the year is always a crap shoot for us. We lost our daughter 5 years ago on her 15th birthday. Many people feel 5 years is a long time but for us it almost always feels like yesterday. So everything slows down or maybe it's just us that slow down.
This my way of saying sorry for disappearing at times. Sometimes I need to take a break to think or find something mindless so I don't have to think.
Alyssa's Memorial site

Graduation Day

It is another day of wondering what could have been. What should have been. I still have the overwhelming feeling that everything is "wrong". I suppose that with such a big part of life suddenly gone, that I will always feel as if I am missing a large part of the whole me.

Your Dad and I chose to look at this day differently because I cannot deal with crying over your loss with a crowd, because I, essentially spend some of everyday doing the would have been, should have been. Your Dad probably has a better outlook, honoring what he knows  would have been a very proud day for you. I cry for that. That we cannot share that together with you, Brandon and Devin.

I wish that I could bribe you with money so we didn't have to have a graduation party. Not having one because you are gone, breaks my heart and my spirit.

We laugh often over memories of you, it gives all of us an ache knowing there will be no more good and fun ones coming our way.

More than holidays, these first things that should have happened for you are what I feel the most. Getting your drivers license, going to prom and now graduating from high school.

Once again I am left with only a few short words.

I love you and miss you so much

Happy graduation day

If I could have a lifetime wish, a dream that would come true.
I'd pray to God with all of my heart for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back; I know because I have tried.
And neither can a million tears; I know, because I have cried.
You left behind my broken heart and happy memories too.
I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.